New babies are always an exciting experience for a family. There’s plenty of wonder, mystery and eagerness as you prepare for the little one to join your growing home. For some parents with toddlers, having a new baby join the family can be a challenging experience, as you teach and explain to your toddler that they won’t be the center of attention anymore.

However, for older children—those who might already be in school—having a new little brother or sister can be even more difficult. After all, age gaps can be complicated enough, so how do you prepare your school-age child for a baby significantly younger than them? Let’s discuss how to make your older child feel included with a new baby.

One of the simplest ways to make your older child feel included is by involving them in the preparation process as early as possible. Sometimes, older children can feel left out simply because their parents know more about what’s happening than they do. Start by talking with your child about the arrival of the new sibling. As often as you can, with as much age-appropriate information as possible, share with about what is going on—whether it’s with your body, with buying supplies or with preparing a nursery.

Then, allow them to be involved in some of the decisions. For instance, how do they want to decorate the nursery? What clothes do they want to buy the new little baby? By allowing your child the autonomy and independence to make decisions that can help his or her new sibling, they will feel a more personal connection with the baby early-on in the process.

Speaking of process, include your school-age child in the process as your body changes. When the baby kicks, encourage them to feel. Ask if they want to play music for the baby to listen to. Or, have them read a book to you and the little one in your tummy. You can even have them help you as your body changes. For instance, ask them to bring you a cup of water from the kitchen, or see if they want to rub lotion on your belly. When older children truly feel needed throughout the pregnancy process, they will be excited to stay involved when their new little sibling is born.

After the baby is born, continue to keep your school-age child involved by giving them small tasks to help. Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy.D., author of The Self-Aware Parent says:

To help your children bond with each other, do your best to engage your older child with the baby. Invite him to help wrap a towel around the baby when you take her from the tub, to read a story while you fold laundry beside them or to distract her with a song during a squirmy diaper change.

Get your older child involved with age-appropriate responsibilities to help the family, particularly the baby. However, be sure not to think of your school-age child as a junior babysitter, as that can quickly lead to more serious challenges.

Remember to check in with your school-age child as often as possible. Be sure to have quality time together without the new baby, and ask them how they’re feeling. Don’t try to “fix” their negative emotions, but instead listen and try to understand them. Whenever possible or applicable, try to accommodate their feelings. For instance, if the older child has difficulty sleeping when the new baby cries, offer to buy a cover for the bottom of the door to help cancel some of the noise. Small accomodations like these show your older child that you care about them, and their feelings are just as important as the new baby.

Finally, take time to be alone with just your school-age child. Make sure he or she spends quality time with one or both of the parents on a regular basis. While this doesn’t have to be a constant thing, it should become a regular pattern. For instance, set up an outing just the two of you on a monthly basis. Consistently remind your older child how much you love them, care for them and appreciate their help and flexibility with the baby. This shows that though there may be a new center of attention, you are still one family, all caring and providing for one another.

Having more than one child is challenging enough, but having a large age gap between a new baby and a school-age child can be particularly difficult. Be sure to incorporate these steps in your daily life as you prepare for your new addition to the family, and your older child will feel included, helpful and excited about the new bundle of joy.