So, you thought you made it through the tough part. You had your first child, and things have been going great. Sure, life with a toddler can get a little stressful sometimes, but you’ve got things covered. So, you decided to bring a new addition into the family. You’ve already had your first child, so one more shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Wrong.
At first, the pregnancy went great. Your little one may have already been so excited to meet their new brother or sister. Then, baby number two came. And suddenly you realized: life with a toddler and a newborn is no walk in the park. In fact, it’s more like a walk in a war zone—trying to keep both sides happy and entertained as you barely manage to stay alive.
Momming is hard work, but momming with two children can seem nearly impossible. How can you care for a toddler when you also have a newborn that demands your attention? While it might not be as easy as you thought, it’s also not impossible. We have a few ideas to keep in mind as you navigate these next few years.
First things first: get into a routine. Children respond well to routines, and getting your little ones on a set schedule early-on will make time management much easier between the two of them. For example, start the morning off with breakfast for the toddler while you get ready with the newborn in the cradle. Have a time for arts and crafts before lunch, then nap time afterwards and maybe even 20 minutes of television while you get a chance for a breather. Create a set schedule for your toddler to follow every day, so things are less hectic when the time comes. This also makes it easier to split your time evenly with the intense demands of a newborn.
Feeding your newborn can be extremely difficult while trying to watch over a toddler running around. Put together a “feeding” basket for your toddler to play with while you are breastfeeding or bottlefeeding the new baby. Include some coloring pages, crayons, books, toys or puzzles to entertain the toddler while you get a little bit of time to feed the baby. Be sure to be flexible with feeding, too. While some moms may have a specific spot they like to feed the baby each time—for example, a rocking chair in the nursery—dragging your toddler to that location can make things more difficult than necessary. Instead, try to feed where your toddler is, rather than consistently making them move.
Some toddlers may feel resentment, bitterness or jealousy to the new baby, as he or she is the new recipient of Mommy and Daddy’s attention. Help make your child feel included by explaining the feeding process, letting them gently play with the newborn or even hold the baby with supervision. Recognize the distinct needs of each of your children, and understand that “dividing your time” is never going to be perfect. There will be some days when your toddler feels left out, and some days when you feel you didn’t pay enough attention to the newborn. The important thing is that you’re trying.
Give the toddler new responsibilities to make him or her feel needed and involved. For instance, if you need some time to breastfeed, have your toddler go with your spouse to run errands. Or, if you’re changing diapers or giving a bath, have your toddler be involved by fetching the wipes or gently rinsing the baby’s body. Additionally, be sure to still focus some one-on-one time specifically with your toddler away from the baby, so he or she still feels that personal attention.
Most importantly, give yourself grace during this time. No mom is perfect, but what matters most is the love you have for both of your children. There will be days, weeks, maybe even a month or two when your house is a complete mess—and that’s okay. There will be times when you simply cannot change another dirty diaper or watch another episode of that annoying children’s show—and that’s okay. Find people who can support you and your significant other during this time, and don’t be afraid to say the magic words, “I need a break.” Take some time for yourself to go get a manicure, take a bubble bath and drink a nice glass of wine to relax.
Being a mom is hard work, but being a mom to a toddler and a newborn at the same time is practically impossible. Luckily, there are ways to overcome. Set up a routine, get into a feeding habit and find time to focus your attention on both children to make your toddler feel needed. Above all, give yourself enough grace to recognize that you’re not perfect and there will be times when you just need a break. Caring for a toddler with a newborn is tough, but you’re tougher. You’ve got this.